this time tommorow.

I have no idea where I'll be.
I wouldn't say I am a control freak, in fact..Im am in general..extremely laid back and indifferent.
Yet, when it comes to the baby you have carried for nin months in your body, you turn into a protective, need to know everything, must be in control freak.
and that would be me right now.
I just wish I could go to the doctor NOW and find out, instead of wasting my morning wondering what the result will be.
Also, it may sound crappy, but at this point I hope they just send me, not because I like the idea of being induced (even though I've done it before), but because it's all I've thought about for 2 days and I already have it set in my mind that I am going and I spent ALL day yesterday with all my lovely helpers preparing for the baby to come this weekend. So, if he doesnt, then....then I will have nothing to do but wait for 3 weeks, or 2 or whatever amount of time it is that will creep by slowly.
But, I understand he should stay in there and get all fat and stuff. And since neither of my boys were big babies, Danny being 4lbs 7oz and Zach 6lbs, 12 oz, I was hoping a big ole' 8 pounder. But, I am starting to think I was not made to make big babies that go full term..because I have the easiest and healthiest pregnancy's up until the end and then terminal failure somehwere in my dumbass body and we're off the hospital, early.
So, I know whats going to happen, I've done it before..let's just do it already.
I don't feel TOO bad about it being 3 weeks early, because the cloest I have gotten to my due date was with Zach and I was ...37 1/2 weeks. And with each and every preg. I have had, I never know when my due date and it's always decided upon the first ultrasound, which they say is pretty accurate, but what if you just make slightly smaller babies and that general basis of measurement is then in fact, void.
Either way
I am just rambling to waste time. I really have nothing better to do.


Dear Claire,
my only reader.
maybe my mail will come early and THEN I will have something to waste my time with!!

Did I mention that Zach's only mission in life the last 2 weeks is to prepare me for my sleep-less nights to come? Ohhh yes. Zach has taken it upon himself entirely, feeling it his duty as newly appointed "big brother" and no longer " baby-baby of the house" to make sure that I am fully prepared to go without sleep.
Thank you Zach, thank you for your selfless efforts.
here they are:
We go to bed after reading 1, 2 or maybe 3 books around 9. And that goes surprisingly well considering they are in bunk beds and Zach is only 19 mo. old.
Roughly around 1am, Zach comes right up into bed with us, "blankey and baby" clutched to chest. So, mom gets up and we go back to his bed, where he pats his pillow, asking me to stay.

I stay, knowing it's the whole problem..but my 9 mo. pregnant body cannot deny the urge to just sleep because there is a whole full bed stuffed to the brim with blankets, animals, a baby who wants to cuddle and the snoring husband..in the other room. So, I sleep..roughly till 3am and then I manage to use the restroom for the 100th time and crawl back into bed.

Then around 5, he's baaaaaack! This time, my body cannot deny the urge to just pick him up and cuddle with him in our bed.
So, I do. And It's bad and also the whole problem here, I know. And we sleep till just around 6:15 when Eric's alarm start going off and my internal bladder alarm is also screaming
and we're awake
welcome to a beautiful day.
and all would be well if I could share that 3 hour mid-day nap with him, but unfortunately..I am forced to do things like shower and cook food....silly necessities.
all in all..I figure I am averaging 6 hours sleep now, waking at 2-3 hour intervals,moving throughout the house..
am I ready for baby?

ohh yes.

Thank you my dear Zachary.

Whats to come when he has to compete with someone slightly more hugry and in need of mom? I have no clue.
But, I think..
and don't say anything because he hasn't figured it out yet.
But I think.
Eric may have to (for the first time EVER) get up in the middle of the night.

WOAH!! Hold the train.
Impossible, you say?

Yeah, I agree.

I'll probably just go crazy.
So, when I quit writing, it will be thanks to the straightjacket and padlocked room.
because only then
will I get some damn sleep!!

Wish us luck
Im off to find something productive to do.