meeting with the teacher

picture this:
7:30 pm Tuesday night at the Smith home.
Sarah and baby are hanging on the couch reading her new series of books, totally relaxed. Eric is watching the cavs kick some ass, totally happy. Danny is sitting next to us playing with his action figures, totally innocent. Zach is in his room watching Elmo movie, totally unaware.
The phone rings.
It's Danny's teacher. "Sarah, I wanted to meet with you after school tommorow to discuss how Danny has been behaving lately. thanks, Mrs. Busch"

Ok.
Eric-livid. Sarah-shocked. Danny-guilty. Zach and Andrew-still unaware:)
WHAT???

I was actually nervous too. Not like nervous for a big test or nervous for an interview. I wasn't anxious like waiting for a phone call. I wasn't upset like I would be if my Husband came home really late.
It was all of these feelings, but differently. I was nervous to hear someone else tell me my child isn't perfect, even though I already knew that..to some extent. I was anxious to get it over with and anxious to know if I could handle this first test as parent the right way, whatever that is. And I was upset because I saw it coming and didn't have time to fix it on my own, upset because I felt guilty knowing this was soley our faults as parents and just plain...dumbfounded.
It was my first lesson in parenting handed to me other than from our own parents or friends. And it was also the first time advice and opinions would be given without seeking them.

Basically.
Danny is having temper tantrums, which in turn means that he is seeking attention. And apparently the reason they have gotten so out of hand and why he does it so often is beccause he knows it works and is somehow getting his need of attention met through this ritual. So, it has to stop. Duh.
No more time-outs. Teach. says he's immune to them. Instead, use other words, but with the same actions behind it like, "think about it's, or decison making time or cool off time or alone time" etc.
Also, I need to be direct and tell him his screaming and fit throwing is not acceptable, getting down to his level. One sentence and then leave him alone, walk away and do not make contact until his attitude changes. And finally, the egg-timer. I am supposed to set the egg timer for 5-10 minutes when I take something away from him or when he is in his "think about it" time.

I thought I was doing allof this, well..some of it.
But, I went into it with an open mind. I Wasn't defensive or angry. In fact, I asked questions on "what about when this happens?" or "how do I handle.."
I didn't argue. The truth is everything they said was right. I felt guilty because I feel like I have let my oldest, my first born, my lovely danny boy who was my first reason for ever wanting to be a parent to other children, who is the reason I went back to school, the reason i quit doing drugs, the reason I settled down and got my shit together, my reason for a better future. I feel like...
I let him down.
And now that I think about it. He IS always last, especially lately. I mean...I was pregnant and really sick at the end..really sick. He was always being told to wait. ANd then the baby came. And now when it's just me and the kids during the day, there are times when I cant even get up from feeding the baby to get them what they need and they wait again. And since Zach got sick, the truth is...Danny was pushed to an even farhter back burner because he's the oldest and even though he is pretty self-serving, well..Sarah..he's still a kid.

So,
we've messed up. Face the facts. Your kid has turned into somewhat of an attention seeking nightmare.
No wonder no one volunteered to help transport him.
It sucks because all of his good traits and attributes are being overshawoded by this new behavior. He is do damn friendly too, with so much to offer. He's my little star, thats what we always call him.
But, he needs more and we need to commit to giving it to him.
Because he goes to kindergarten next year and after 2 years of preschool he should be ready, i mean..more than ready.
And
this is why I am a huge advocate for preschool, although it cost us..a lot and I sacrfice many things to keep him in it, it's definately worth it. These things need to be fixed now, before it's too late. And Im just glad I had someone pull me aside, because as parents..it's all good intentions gone bad.

I feel ok about this milestone in parenting.

Parenting is so damn hard. But, for me it hasn't ever been hard like "I don't want to" or difficult because it's tiring or stressful or overwhelming.
It's hard because
even though all you yearn for is to be the best parent you can be, it seems your always falling short somehow and it seems everyday holds a new obstacle to overcome and you find, your not near done learning all there is to learn and your not anythingc close to perfect and you cant fix it all or even really, control any of it.
and there you are.
Your in that place of acceptance where all you can do is...
all you can do.

so thats all I have.