out with the old in with the ... old. :)

Eric came home from work yesterday with 2 huge dressers, worn with age, but solid wood and a beautifully designed wood pattern. So, today I spent my time measuring our house (which is no where near big enough for a family of 5..or even 4 for that matter). And I have decided in all my bravery too..
trash my falling apart armoire (however you spell that) and white dresser that I left home with when I was 17, were bought when I was 13 and have lived through 1 flooded basement and 5 moves and...show EVERY ounce of damage they hae recieved. So, Eric and I take the new dressers and put those into our room, which will take up every extra inch of space we didn't have to start with. And then, we will transfer Zach and Danny's clothed into the built in closets in thier room ( where we currently hold our crap). A few x-mas's ago,I was given the gift of these "kid closet organizers" so..Ill be installing those and getting rid of Danny's dresser which was also a hand me down and not doing so welll. And that will free up the dresser in the baby room, so that I can FINALLY start pulling up my baby clothes and getting them washed and prepared for baby Andrew....in the midst of all the moving of furniture and of course the non-stop sorting of the older boys clothes.."this doesnt fit, this does, this needs thrown away, this can go immediately to Zach from Danny since they are about the same size and 3 years apart!" lol..
that is my weekend in a nutshell. exciting, I know. And the only reason Eric is so apt to jump in and help..
the one dresser which will be precisly placed on the wall facing our bed has a 6 foot wide mirror on it...
and what do you think was his first thought?
Dream on buddy...I have 3 1/2 weeks till delivery and then I plan on using every 6 weeks postpartum that I can as an excuse NOT to give you your moment of glory in the mirror.
Danny's month long Halloween festivities are finally over, (thank god). The kid dressed up 8 times this month, one party after the next, parades', trick or treating, pics...im so done with Superman. Actually,I might make them dress up one more time to score pics with the carved pumpkins, but then I swear I'm done.
I am ready for October to be over and November to be here already
even though I am about 2 months behind in my normal preparing -for- baby stuff.
I really dont know how I am going to get all this done before this little guy comes. everytime I feel like I have an extra minute, I have to study...ahhh..Im also really done with classes!
BUT
I am really proud of myself,because I have been determined to work on chemistry and focus and figure this shit out.
and I took my test yesterday and..
I think I did..ok..like...maybe a B? definatey a C! and I need a 75% to being me up to 70% in the class...which means I can actually use the credit to apply to the program.
so, cross your fingers..
but hey, at least I tried!
thats all for now.
Im going back to work.

bunk beds are a...

HUGE HIT!
My kids are amazing.
I was shocked myself and I shocked other people when Danny was 18mo. old and was moved directly from crib-twin bed (w/ guardrail) without missing a nights sleep.
Well, I can offically say that..
2 nights ago, we constructed the bunk beds. And slightly apprehensive, I tucked Danny in up top and layed Zach down below (which is actually a full size mattress, so imagine how little a 19 mo. old looks) and we said goodnight. It was a total of 3 times that Zach come wandering out to the living room, each time carrying a different blankey or animal, looking slightly confused.but cool with it. And calmly I walked him back in there and tucked him good night. By the last time, he made his wishes clear by patting the pillow nexts to him. I layed down and snuggled up and sure enough he began his dozing off. I was thinking "I will only do this once..I promise myself." While Zach is drifting off and I am patiently waiting for sleep so I can sneak into the kitchen and raid the ice cream cookie sandwiches without having to share, I listen to Danny talking to himself on the top bunk and this is what he's whispering to himself:
"ohhh man...It's really scary up here, Im going to fal off...no, no I'm ok.It's ok.
ohh man, I'm really high. I really don't like this.
no, no..I'm ok..I'm ok..I'm ok"
After a few minutes of quiet I tip toed out, thinking they were both asleep. And then Danny says "mom, just come check on me in a few minutes..ok?"
and I said yes of course.
So, I did and when I come in he says "Im fine mom, you can stop now."
and that was it.
They slept all night; perfectly with not a single interuption untill 7:30 when Zach comes walking into my room and crawls into bed with me. But, thats our normal routine anyway.
The 2nd day presented a new problem. NAP TIME! hmm....I thought. Not only is it daylight, but Zach is now sleeping in what used to be "danny's room" which is huge and FULL of toys that Zach never really has the oppurtunity to play with.
But I have no choice. This is the decision I made and I was fully prepared to repeat the tucking him in process over 20 times.
It took 4 times.
4 times of me walking him back to the room and kissing all the animals again and blowing kisses for the last time.
By the 4th time I barely made it around the corner before he went running back into his room and jumped on the bed and layed down
So, I tucked him in and waited.
and waited.
waited.
5 minutes later I checked and unbelievably with all the temptations of toys and freedom, he just lays there looking around
5 minutes later he was sound asleep and slept his normal 2 hours.
and last night, night 2. It was a simple goodnight to both, shut the door and don't see them again until 7 this morning.
wow is allI can think.
I told Eric last night. "you know, this might have something to do with good parenting."
and he says
"nah...just good kids"while he smiles proudly.
and I laugh and said "yeah your probably right."

It's not all that bad.

So
I spent all morning at the lovely welfare office. I try my hardest to stay away from that place, upon entering I wonder how I ended up here AGAIN when all my goals in life were to stear me away from this dreaded place.
After standing in line for 15 minutes, I have a woman tell me that there are no more caseworkers for the day, the appointments have been filled since 8:00 am. She says I have 2 options, come back tommorow morning and line up outside in the cold around 6:30-7 and hope to get an appointment. Or I can wait 4 hours today, start the registration process and get a piece of paper that states that when I come tommorow morning at 7:00am, I get a guarenteed appt; which may be at 7:30, or 9 or 12 or 3 or 5...or anywhere in between.
I had to go with option 2. I decided to sit and wait 4 hours because #1, I had childcare today, which rarely happens and there is no way I am going to force my children to sit through this. and #2 I refuse to come down here at 7 in the morning without a GUARENTEE I will be seen.
I waited. My butt fell asleep. I got a lot of homework done. I realized I had no cash on me, didn't eat breakfast and wouldn't be home till 9:00pm tonight. ...sweet.
I got out roughly 4 hours later feeling much more appreciative of my situation. I still have a home, transportation, a loaded fridge and freezer and a whole family that support me.
These people have nothing. The man next to me had been waiting for 6 hours before he realized that 5 hours ago he should have been sent to another building (since he didnt speak english) where they could help him, since he is homeless.
at that point, sitting there in my new ohio state hoodie, studying out of my $250 text book and playing around on my somewhat- new, pink, touch-screen, sliding phone...at that point, I realized. Yeah...It's not all that bad.
I left smiling even though I wasted my whole day there and I had to listen to 2 men compare recent jail stories while they were "locked up". One was in for attempted murder and the other one robbery with a gun. The crazy thing was they talked about it like it was common and normal to live this life. It smacked my ass back into reality..back into a sheltered,young white female reality.--->which is a good place to be.
And now I sit between classes trying to work on school work..but really..not.
Other than that, I had my 34 week check up today and aside from my amazing weight gain..nothing is going on, which is good. I come back in 2 weeks and then I'm on the weekly visit schedule which is like the last and most definate sign that yes, it is almost THAT time. Soon, you will be sleepless and insane with love over yet another little peeing,pooping and puking bald man.
We found bunk beds. FINALLY. and what a bargain! Thankfully I waited for what I wanted to spend and didnt do anything dumb and thankfully I chekced craigs list one more time on sunday and was the 1st to call the seller or they would be gone. It's a metal twin on top and a full futon on bottom. I orignally wanted wooden but this one came with the matress and cover in EXCELLENT conditon for only $100. The lady was really nice and actually owns/works an in-home child care deal..so we hit it off, obviously.
And now the pieces are strewn all over my back porch in a intimidating manner, while the children jump from Danny's current twin bed to the futon matress which is laid out on the floow..and was stain free 2 days ago..which wont last long.
I am wondering how Zach will do in a big bed. The change is happening this weekend. Eric and I are going to attempt to assemble on friday night. He gets to drink beer during the process, so it shouldnt be too bad for him. But, I absolutely HATE putting things together without instructions. I read the instructions for everything..even shampoo. I swear. Weird I know, because i hate rules..yet need instruction. hmmmmm....
Trick or treating is coming up, Eric and I are doing a joint b-day celebration thing this weekend and soon it will be November...
and then the countdown to insanity really begins.

headed down

Although things have been pushed under the rug for the last few months (thanks to wedding histeria), they are now surfacing and..not looking pretty.
All in all, we ( my immediate family) and it seems; the entire US are headed for a downward spiral. Now, I reconize that there are many families out there far worse off than us..but, right now..Im looking a few months down the road and thinking "what the hell are we going to do?"
Eric is currently working roughly 25 hours a week and makes..a whopping 11/hr. So, he is supporting a family a four soley by himself. Thankfully and unfortunately, I was forced to take out extra money on my school loan this past month (for the 1st time). And it has been nice, we have been riding steady, but the wedding ( and the 1,200+ it cost us all together) really cleaned out the bank and now, at this pace we're ok for another month if things stay the way there are.
But, in another month exactly we will have another child here! And one month away from that is Christmas and I am starting to wonder how this is possibly going to happen.
Also, a huge deal is the fact that Eric's small business that he works for (approx. 15 ppl employed) is waiting on a huge amount of money that was never paid for thier services and Eric and I both agree...his company will not make it though this change in our economy. So, of course..like always, he is job searching. But, pickings ( more like hirings) are getting slim..the unemplyment rate is rising everyday and people tell Eric he is lucky to at least HAVE a job. We really need to move in another direction. The shitty thing is...I feel worthless. I just sit here contributing nothing. yes, I attend school full time..but that is a headache on it's own..my ONE class that I needed to take this semester, the entire reason I am even attempting to finsish this semester even though I will deliver dear baby 3 weeks before exams..is..I NEED CHEM TO APPLY TO THE PROGRAM.
and right now,
I am failing.Seriously, no joke..failing. I have no idea whats going on in class, I go to every class, participate,ask questions, take notes and still when test time comes (possibly the easiest tests ever)...I fail them. I don't even know how I'm capable of failing them because my teacher makes them so dumb friendly, yet...my highest grade in the class (including lab quiz's) a 70%...which was WITH the curve.
I need a "c" to use the class towards my application. How frustrating is is that I am hoping for a c?! I have a freakin 3.8 GPA and I am praying for a c!!! Not only that, but admission into the program is solely based on grades and very competitive. They only accept 24 students a year out of the 100+ that apply.
I will never forgive myself if I do not make into the program. My whole family will suffer the consequences of me wanting to do this school thing and not being happy with the job I had (that at least brought home a paycheck) and then I fail at getting accepted? I will be crushed with guilt.
I am trying to be optimistic about everything in general. I look back and realize that during times of desperate need, somehow we pulled through. There was always an extra check or a random thing that helped or the love and support of our familes.
But..I wonder how long our good luck will last. And I look at Danny, who is now old enough tounderstand whats and needs and I see him go without and stop asking for things because he knows the answer revolves around a lack of money and this is what kills me, tortures me.
I am being depressing, sorry.
on a good note:
I am completely cured of my "bugs"! I finished my antibiotics on Monday and still no symptoms of the grusomeness.
I saw my Dear Tabby yesterday. jayden and danny played for 3 hours in bk's playplace. We caught up on life, traded baby pics (she is due with twins in march) and I allowed her to totally use my should to cry on. Which made me feel good because it put things into perspective for me.
At least I have a husband who is practically perfect compared to the men she finds. And If I think money problems are hard, I have no clue! What she ( and a few other friends of mine) go through with relationships and baby's daddy's...is ridiculous and I would end up in the mental ward.
Eric did get a call back ona job with AT&T. He has to go do some testing thing up in cleveland and the sample questions are tricky..so, I'll keep my fingers crossed. But, i am done getting involved with hoping and dreaming..I am now realistic. Which is sad in a way.
Things are so calm now that the wedding is over, I have completely given myself over to my books and..Im trying to really crunch on school stuff, but it's tricky between children and dr. appts everyother day.
and I wonder how I ever did this plus one more class and worked?!!? am i insane?
thats about all.
Keeping my chin up...manly because my children are constantly around and so damn cute, it's hard to not believe it will all work out.

and...

wow.
I feel like I have been gone for years.
So, all my wishes are finally true...I survived the wedding.
But, actually it was completely amazing and beautiful and exciting and everything it was cracked up to be. The whole day was utterly perfect for them and I couldn't be happier.
My boys were a total HIT!! The entire night all I could think is "yes, they are mine! I claim them!!!" In fact, I spent more time with them throughout the reception than anything else and not because I had too, I choose to.My mom was appointed in charge of them, but when I wasn't doing matron of honor duties, I went straight over there and stole them back and if anyone was dancing with my handsome men..it was me. Except Eric...lol..I could care less about him. no, Im kidding..he was great too.
We spent like all week preparing for his speech and I was really excited because (shhh...) the entire set up and stuff was all my idea and I prefected the whole thing for him. He had the spotlight, but I was totally sitting there repeating lines in my head. He did great though and felt good about himself afterwards.
We're getting back into the swing of things. It's interesting returning to a life where nothing is going on after sooo much. I look at my calender for October and wonder how slow it will go now that there's nothing on my books. We do have a huge, annual halloween party next weekend which will be fun. The kids are all geared up and ready to go. Danny is superman this year (i believe he's aiming to be every superhero there ever was) and zach is mickey mouse (which might be the cutest thing EVER). Eric and I are stumbiling through ideas..we always so something together and we want to factor in this pregnancy somehow..no terrific ideas yet and we're running out of time.
Soo..more big news. actually, pretty damn big.
I was really sick last week. It started on the friday before the wedding..so back in sept. I started this horrible dirreha and feeling REALLY fatigued, nasueated,chills, fever..the whole nine yards. I let it go,longer than I should..thanks to wedding issues and my stubborness. I finally dragged myself to the docor after 6 days of not keeping anything in and barely the abulity of walking thanks to malnurishment. They told me off for waiting so long, wanted me to go straight to the er for hydration..i pretty much refused, claiming I was drinking lots of water, the baby was still moving like crazy and all that. They agreed but sent me home with a stool specimen test. I retuned my test the thurs. before the wedding and by friday night..I still hadn't heard a response. I assumed everything was normal and I was just battiling some virus and obviously NOT winning because I'm 32 weeks preggers and not resting like I should be thanks to wedding stuff.
Well, they call me at 5:00 on friday night (during rehearsal stuff) and say "don't freak..but it's still pending..you may have something"
So, that was fun..going through the whole weekend not knowing if I have some crazy infectious disease or anything.
Finally..on this monday after playing phone tag with the nurse ALL day. She calls to tell me that I tested negative for c-difficile (which is what they feared I had)..and thank god..becauuse it's horribly nasty and extrmemly hard to treat.
But,
I tested positive for.. Giardia lamblia. So, check that out online..it's also
super
nasty!
basically, I was somehow..someway..contaiminated with feces in my water(not just feces...feces with this parasite.)
So, they put me on this super strong antibiotic..and I felt like a new person within 24 hours of being medicated, which makes me wonder how long this was actually going on.
I had an outrageous amount of questions for my doctor, but mostly..how will this affect baby? and thankfully...not at all. baby is fine, he looks great, sounds great, gaining weight. I am the only one who took the toll.
Now we are going through the process of testing our water..which is a possibility, but a doubtful one.
all in all...
it has been a crazy, exhausting, romantic,exhilirating last few weeks.
and now I am returning to boring normalcy..
which includes watching my abdomen move all on it's own..which provides it's own unique sense of joy.