riiiiiiiight.

What a week or...two!
I feel practically out of touch with the world after losing power for 4 days, spending a week making up for what I missed in school via. the computer, studying for a huge chem. test and a vast amount of preperation for the wedding,which is now only...8 days away!
I quite excited about today! I am (for the first time since Eric and I have been together....6+years) going to the salon for a professional hair session! Yes, shampoo and conditoner with that lovely massage, cut AND color. I don't know how Eric is letting me do it because that shit costs a fortune and usually I am SO against it because I can color my hair myself forless than 5 bucks and always have in the past..but he thinks I need some "pampering" and who am I to argue? Actually, normally I do. I insist that the boys need new clothes instead or we should spend the extra money on one of the thousand medical bills that I never regularly pay. But, this time...I said "yep, that sounds like a brilliant idea"
I did not go to any of my classes last night. I hold a strict belief that college students are granted one "freebie pass" per class per semester. I wasn't planning on using any of mine this semester because I am due to have this baby PRIOR to the end of the semester, but...yah. I definately didn't go and really should have.Especially after getting my first Chem. test back on monday and finding out I earned a f'n 70%, which is offically the lowest grade I have gotten on anything since I entered college. So, extremely dissapointed in myself and also trying to ignore the urge to bust into tears when I realized that monday was also my deceased father's birthday, I came home and bitched to my husband about chemistry and dissapointments and frustrations for him to say:
"ohh..don't worry, you'll be fine." At this point, I shut up and think-yep, that's the same thing the guy sitting next to me in class said. Wow, thanks husband for the terrific insight and ability to make your pregnant wife's night any better-blah!!
needless to say, I took the night off last night and then had to explain to my father in law why "there's no learning today???" He asks this with that same dumb ass look his son gave me the night prior in an effort to ease my pain.
This whole ordeal leads me to believe no matter WHAT I do..my THREE sons are going to inhereit ALL the qualities of thier father; the good...and the bad. Sweet!

I am just a gigantic hormonal volcano.
And ironically, the only thing I devote my time to these days (other than children, cooking and cleaning) is...wedding stuff??
What the hell is wrong with me?
I am even working on writing a poem after I said I wasn't doing a speech and completely upset my sister in law.
She gave one at my wedding so I guess that means I HAVE to give one at hers? Even though my husband is the best man and will say pretty much the exact same thing I would. So, I felt like I was being forced into it and what kind of a gift is that? I said no.
and then
2 days later..started writing a poem?
I am literally insane.
and i think I have ended many blogs with that same line.
which proves it!

(((banging head against wall)))

i am irrationally frustrated. Obviously I can do nothing about the lack of electrcity at my house. I cannot turn my paper in for school because it is saved on my computer at home, which has no power. My car hood practically flew up on me while driving down 77, during rush hour in Cleveland. Now, Im IN Cleveland with no way of fixing my hood, because I brought no money with me. I was 20+ minutes late to class, the same class I have no paper to turn in. I have a headache, Im tired, Im bitchy, Im pregnant..and..
I cannot fix any of the above mentioned issues and THAT is my main issue.
I should realize how lucky I am compared to those who live down south and have no house, but instead Im bitching about no power in my house.
Thankfully, my father in law..came through with a generator..so we plugged in our fridge for an hour to cool everything off. I estimated about $600 worth of food in my freezer and fridge. And then I had to hook up my fishtank for an hour so my dumb fish and frog don't die.
I have candles throughout the house, flashlights ready and Im anxiously waiting to find out wheather it will be on when i get home, or if it's really goin to be wed. or fri. ( I will go crazy)
Danny practically had a mental breakdown when he woke up to find "god still hadn't turned the power back on" and he still couldnt watch cartoons.
and..
did I mention im at school, with a completely unsafe transportation system to get home in??

on other notes...
the shower went...
ahh
well? I guess.
My sis looks like she was faking her happiness the whole time and..I know her well enough to know she was. not alot of people came. Infact, barely 15. She looked really dissapointed and on the verge of tears and I don't know what I could have done to help, but of course I felt responsible; as if I had failed somehow. less than 3 weeks till the wedding. We haven't paid Rent, we owe preschool 1st and last months pay, car payment..all this insane crap for the wedding, facials...hair,shoes,tux's...3 of them
i might blow up over here! lol....
But, I am looking forward to a reunion on Saturday..an old friend and her family :)
so, thats my good news..and Im trying really hard to concentrate on that!

ahhh sweet freedom

In the midst of wedding insanity.....
I was out late night with my dear friend on thurs. We had to plan some games and prizes for the wedding and becaue we work opposite schedules, ie: im a mom and she's not, we ended up at Walmart @ 9:30 at night planning things, which ended up being really fun. In fact, we had a blast doing...absolutely nothing. I was completely stress free while in a store, which hasnt been the case in years. I cannot remember the last time I was in a store without a child attached to one hip or on both. And usually, at least one is crying or whining. That probably would have been enough fun for me to call it a night, but she asked if I was interested at all in going up to Brubakers because some friends I havent seen in ages were there.
We did a surprise stop, which almost brought one friend to tears b/c it's been so long since we've seen eachother. And sitting outside at a bar, late...on a thursday night, while thier all enjoying an ice cold bud light and I engulf an oder of potato skins may not sound like fun. but. it was great.
I got home around 11, slept great and woke up feeling like a new woman. ( a little time out of the house does wonders)
If thats not enough:
eric calls yesterday while he was at work to say
"I got a babysitter and we're going to the indians game tonight...we got sweet free seats"
I was really hesitant.
#1-the shower is today and we're having a few people over afterwards to watch the osu game on the back porch.
#2-honestly, I was tired by my "going out" the night before
#3-I always feel guilty about asking for childcare because we rely on his parents for so much so that I can be successful in school.
But, we went anyway.
We went with all the crazy rain and the idea that there was NO WAY the game would even go on with all the weather issues, but we would try regaurdless.
By the time we got up there, the rain had cleared.
We got to our seats and I was floored, infact I think I said "we are not rich enough to sit here". We were exactly 5 rows back from homebase. The camera guy was right in front of me, along with the guys that measure the pitch speed. It was insane. The other and possibly even cooler thing: It NEVER rained. It was almost like God decided Eric and I needed a break and stopped the rain from entering jacob's field. the game was great, we won 12-2, there was sweet fireworks and afterwards got dinner at luigi's..and we havent been there in years.
The whole night in general was an amazing surprise and despite my hesitation, I was so glad I went.
I love my children. I love being a mom. I love family time. I even love doing nothing, just laying in bed with my kids.
but, man..I love a night away.
A night full of adult conversation, easy trips to the bathroom, eating whatever you want without being afriad of sugar content when sharing, no whining, no crying. Just me, the hubby and 2 of our friends enjoying the good ol American pastime and some sweet italian food.
Eric and I havent had a night away since I found out I was pregnant. So, it's been since May! It was much needed.
now, although it was great to get away and I was loving every second of it.
I'm pretty sure I thought of nothing but "Damn, Danny would love these seats, we should have brought them."
"I hope Zach went to bed easy"
"i wonder if Grandma gave them baths"
"jezzz...I really miss my kids."
lol
So, Im a mom. Sue me. :)
all in all, I've had an awesome 2 days and Im actually looking forward to the shower today??!?!? I know, see what a break does....I've turned back into..ME!!

totally AMAZING

I cannot believe what Zach just did. (who is only 17 months!)
I'm sitting here on the computer doing my normal daily rountine; drinking coffee and keeping in touch with the outside world. Zach runs over and grabs his crotch area and sort of whimpers and startes at me like he needs something, which he has been doing for a few weeks. So, I ask the normal questions "Do you need a diaper change?" He gives no response other than another whimper and the continued stare. So, I ask..."Did you poop?" At this point, he turns and walks down the hall. Normally, he meets me in his bedroom so I can change his diaper. I thought THIS level of communication was incredible for his age. I mean, the simple fact that he is already expressing needs of being changed just blows my mind because he is so young. Well, today..just a few moments ago, instead of going to his bedroom he stops in front of the bathroom..where the door is closed and point at the door and whimpers. I say,"you don't want to go in there..c'mon, let's change your diaper." He continues to point, very adamently. So, I say "what, you want to go potty?" But really...I am just kidding. He hits the door and screams pretty loudly as if to say..yeah..c'mon already. At this point, I'm thinking...yeah right...but I'll amuse myself, so I open the door. He runs in and goes straight to the potty and opens the freakin seat. NOw, Im kind of shocked...like how far are we really going to go here? I cannot believe he is even aware of what goes on in here. But, Im all for the possiblity. So, i slip off his diaper, throw his butt on the seat and..
HE PEED! Ok, not a lot..but..a little. I am completely stunned. Of course I make a huge deal about it to him, after I realize what a huge deal it really is. And then to top it off, after I lay him down and put his diaper back on...he get's up and wants to wash his hands?@?!?
WOAH! What is going on??? yesterday I had a teething 17 mo. old who woke up and is now potty training??
My mother and I were just talking yesterday about how early he comminicated bathroom needs..but, damn. This is almost insane.
I just cannot believe it. So,of course my first thought is..."Im breaking out the potty chair"
But, really? Or is this just a fluke? Should I roll with it or wait?? I mean, really..his only words so far are: "momma, dad, "D" (danny), hi and fish"...lol..I know, but he says fish. Other than that...nothing..so how will he commnicate that he has to pee?? or wait, he just did.
I dont know. I dont want to start him too early and delay it because he isn't ready.
I guess all I can do is bring up the chair and see what happens.
I wasnt planning on starting his training till at least 2...which isnt till march! And plus, we are planning on moving him from the crib to the bottom of a bunk bed, which he'll share with danny in a brand new room very soon...I really don't want to put too much on him
He does have another baby on the way..in less than 12 weeks.
insane.
just mindblowing madness.
wow.
I love my suppppper smart boys!

I am about sooooo done.

I was married 2 years ago on July 29th, 2006. It was a beautiful wedding, it was thoughtfully planned and perfectly executed. Looking back, I realize I would NEVER plan a wedding again and I also understand completely why people choose to elope.
I am currently the "matron of honor" for my sister in law who will be married in 4 weeks, on Oct. 4th (the day after my bday). This "honor" is tuning into only a headache and actually causing me to see all the downsides of my friend, she is turning into a self absorbed, demanding, ridiculous requesting nightmare. To be honest, I dread picking up the phone..and she calls me at least 5x a day.
Keep in mind, when I was planning my wedding. I did it 100% by myself. At the time, Eric and I were very young and the first couple out of all of our friends to get married. our bridal party..which was 10 ( 5 on each side) really didin't KNOW what thier responsiblities were and in fact, failed us. We still love them of course. In fact, I planned my own bach. party and bridal shower..my maid of honor, my best friend in the whole world..totally sucked at her position. I am over it obviously. And I didnt let any of it ruin my day.
While planning my wedding, I worked FULL time without a cut in hours and also was raising a 2 year old and Eric was going through a period of slowtimes at work and his paychecks were not great..at all. I did all thatby myself and never once interferred with anyone else's life or made my problems..theiers.
My dear,lovely sister in law is...screwing everyone. In fact, her bridesmaids are to the point where we roll out eyes and laugh. She has no idea how ridiculous she is being. She has taken 1 day off a week from work, to "work on wedding stuff" and has now requested that my mother in law, her mother help her on those days. THAT day happens to be the one day that I have always had my mother in law watch my kids, I have school on that day and also work on my online class and take my tests and now, I go to the dr. every 2 weeks for this preg. and we had planned on me making my appts on that same day so I am never forced to take 2 young children with me.
So, now I have no one to watch the kids for my appointments, I cannot take my tests online when I should, instead I have to do it while zach is naping and pray he stays asleep for an hour and video games will keep danny occupied while I take my timed tests.
NOt only that, but she calls me throughout the day to worry about things I Am suppsed to be in charge of, she worried about every freakin detail of the bach. party..but also wanted everything to be a damn surpise, tell me how that is possible.And now she calls to worry about the shower, and this and that.....leave me alone.
She also plans this random get togethers on sat. nights with the entire bridal party, that no one knows about until the last miunnute and if for some reason you can't come..you are now a piece of shit and have ruined her entire life.
She shows up everywhere stressed and pissed and huffing and puffing. Instead of devoting all of her free time to the wedding stuff (she she is always so stressed about "everything that needs done", her and her man go out to eat and watch tv all night..doing nothing. Oh, and the day she has stolen my childcare and support system..she brings her over there to tie some dumb bows on cards..while...get this:
she cleans her fucking house!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I have 2 children, pregant with another, have worked full time and I go to school full time and in my entire career as a mother,student, employee and wife..I have never had anyone come over and do my petty shit for me..while I clean
and then she had the audacity to tell me mother in law the bows"must be straight"
do it yourself,you lazy ass.
I am so sick of people expecting you do bend over backwards when they can't lift a finger for themselves.
oh god..get me through this without murdering.

offically a nerd

I have just recently decided what to write my term paper on...a drum roll is in order:
The History Of Portage Lakes.
Yeah, I know..nerdy as hell and yet...I am totally excited. I went to the library today which I might add, was a really nice break from my normal routine of being a mom. I was completely kid free and I ended up sitting in one of those uncomfortable chair things in the middle of the long row of books, with my glasses wishing I had a nice cup of starbucks to complete my wonderful moment.
Any way, the stuff I am finding is actually really interesting..because I live here and this place has a HUGE history and some kinda interesting unknown facts and I seriously cannot wait to jam pack them into one long ass paper to turn in and hopeully, get a decent grade on!!
Also, I know that I will be bitching about this topic choice later, wheather it be because it is to hard, im stressed or it's totally not interesting any more. lol
I had my 28 week check up at the ob today and did the gestational diabetes test and will probably fail. The thing said to eat, so I did and then my doc. says that usually makes you fail. Great, thanks for letting me know now. I failed the when I was preggers with danny and then passed with Zach and I really want to pass this time because the 3 hour test is not fun at all!
I am gaining a terrific amount of weight, at least 1 lb a week. scary...because I know I have to lose it later, but Im pretty much like. yeah. I dont care.
baby sounds great, moving CONSTANTLY and I cannot comment enough on how much this child kicks and flips. I really hope this is no inclination into his personality because I was really hoping for my 3rd laid back, super easy baby!
Other than that there is reallynothing going on. Danny is doing better at soccer, we're working on some.."key ideas" like..not wrestiling with the other boys in line and not cutting. his coccer skills, it's more like life skills we're adressing. I guess thats typical with a 4 yr. old.
Zach is cutting his last 3 teeth until he get's his 4 yr. molars and boy oh boy, he'll let you know. he spent all weekend attached to me and sleeping on me and now he has turned into Dr. Jerkell and Mr Hyde. He's still adorable though and I get a lot more snuggle time then Im normally allowed...so im digging it secretly.
Eric had placed an pplication for a job that I will probably get my hopes up for..because we have a reference who says it may happen..I really want it to, like alaways..but Im also becoming adjusted to rejection. So, I'll just silently wish.
All in well in the land of my life..
the wedding is now 4 weeks away....I really need to get some extra cash, but the boys will look lovely..and I cant wait for pics!
ta-ta